It’s crystal clear. Falling into a pond when I was like 3. I was camping with my mom and my first step-dad. I was wearing faded baby-jeans with an elastic waistband and everything, and a purple patch jacket. I leaned over on the edge of the pond to pick up some rocks (I thought rocks were cool when I was a kid.) and *flip* right into the water, face first. Go little me, go.
Sometimes I wonder if I feel too much for my own good. I wonder if I’m too mushy for you. I don’t feel safe sometimes telling you how much you mean to me, or how happy you make me because you make me feel awkard sometimes. Not like the bad kind of awkward… The kind of awkward where I don’t know what to say, or I can’t say what I feel because I’m afraid you’ll think I’m silly, or too intense. I get that a alot, that I’m too intense, or I’m hard to handle. I take things to seriously sometimes, and I don’t want that to affect my relationship with you. It’s just that you’re pretty much the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time. You’re not abusive, you’re not manipulative, you don’t use me, you’re not a drug addict, you take me on dates and you don’t cheat. I’ve fallen in love with you because you’re so much better than all the rest. I freak out over little things with you because I’m just waiting for you to be just like everyone else. I know I’m young, and I don’t need to worry about these things ‘cause I’m not even 20 years old and I’ve got the rest of my life ahead of me, but one less heartbreak would be a gift. I don’t think you’ll ever see this, but just so you know… I’m weird (as you can see above), I’m emotional, and insecure. But, I love you. Please, don’t turn out like the rest. I can handle things if it’s a normal break up. Just please, don’t hurt me like they did, and bear with me through my crazy shit. Because, I promise once you get past all of that, I’m amazing and I’ll be there for you no matter what.
P.S. I couldn’t tell you all of this to your face because you’re always really quiet when I talk about how I feel, and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.